8 Months!

Not excited about the picture!

Alex is 8 months old already! Where is the time going!

 

Likes:

He loves playing with socks! He usually pulls off his and chews them so we started giving him one to play with.

He likes crawling around. He does a great army man crawl but also does an ok more traditional crawl.

He loves to have us hold his hands while he walks. He often just walks in circles but he enjoys it!

Music! He LOVES music! We put his music toy on legs and he loves playing with it and moving around it.

 

Dislikes:

There really aren’t that many. He doesn’t like fruit but he will eat it especially if there is a veggie with it.

He doesn’t like napping at daycare (I think he is afraid he will miss something!)

 

 

He is so easy to get along with and easy going most times. We can't wait to see what the next month brings!

6 months!

Alex is 6 months! He can do so many things now! He started buzzing his lips- all the time! He started rolling from his tummy to his back. Now he can get things he wants and go places.  He giggles and laughs very easily now.

He likes:

His jumpy chair

Music

Sweet potatoes and butternut squash

Chewing on everything!

 

                                         He doesn’t like:

Naps

Waiting for his bottle

 

2 Months Old!

Alex is 2 months old already. I am amazed at how fast the time has gone and how much he has grown!

September 14, 2012

 

He weighs 12 lbs 12 oz and is 23 inches long (up 5 lbs 9 oz and 3 inches from when we brought him home!)

 

He likes:

His swinging chair

Playing on the floor

Baths (especially splashing in the sink!)

Going for a walk

Pretending to stand up

Giggling, laughing and cooing at us

Loves music (all kinds)

He dislikes:

Sleeping on the couch

 

Wet or dirty diapers (if he is fussy that is the first thing we check

When his bath is over



Taking a nap in his bed during the day (he sleeps great at night)

Showing his wounds

 

              Shots

 

 

 

 

 

Alex is a great baby! He is usually happy and if not we can change his diaper or easily help him be happy. We see more and more of his personality everyday. I am excited to see what the next month will bring!

The Story part 2

A few weeks ago there was a documentary about birthmothers on TV. I wasn’t going to watch, but somehow did watch a few minutes just to see how it was. The show followed three expectant mothers who had chosen to place their babies for adoption. It was interesting to see how these expectant mothers bonded together, how they made their decision and their hospital experience.  In the documentary, the hopeful adoptive parents and the expectant mother were separate. They didn’t seem to spend any time together.

 

Our experience was very different. We got the call to come to the hospital at 5:00 am July 14 and were there by about 6ish. We went into K’s room where she was resting (the medication had just kicked in). We were in and out as different doctors came in and privacy was needed. Things were progressing nicely (according to a nurse) and by 9:30 Jake was out in the waiting room and the baby was on his way. Alex was born at 10:30 am. I am so grateful and honored that K and her mom allowed me to be there. Jake and I spent the next 2 and a half days hanging out in K’s room with her family and the baby. We all took turns holding him, feeding him and changing his diaper. The hospital found a room for Jake and me so we were able to stay Saturday and Sunday night.

Jake holding Alex for the first time!

It was wonderful to meet K’s brothers and sisters and spend time with them. We were able to look at the baby and see who he looked like. Did he have K’s eyes or one of her siblings? Was his temperament like her or one of her siblings? It was a wonderful time.

I was really nervous about Monday and signing the papers. I wasn’t sure how it would go- or how K would feel and react to it all. Her whole family was there with her when she signed the paperwork. There was such a feeling of support in the room.  It was wonderful.

In the documentary, the girls placing their babies were in a room alone with a caseworker to sign the papers. All three were very emotional and I felt so bad that these young mothers were alone at such a time. For us, our lawyer talked to K first and then came to get us for our part at the end. He left and we thanked K, gave her our gift and since K was being checked out told her and her family to take all the time with the baby they needed and wanted. 

Our experience was so much better – not easier but K had so much support. It was an emotional day but a day filled with happiness and some sadness. When K left she looked gorgeous. She was absolutely glowing and we made plans to see them again.

Getting ready to go home!

 

The Story part 1

Six weeks ago we brought Alex home. About six weeks before that we found out about him. 

We have been hoping to adopt for along time. (as you already know) We did do lots of things to get our names out there.

We made up pass along cards and gave them to my parents, Mrs. R (of the R House), and anyone else who would pass some along. I left them on tables in restaurants, in public bathrooms (yes, I really did, don't know if it helped but I thought it was worth a try), at rest stops, on bulletin boards, in hotel rooms and anywhere else I could think of.

We had two profiles- on with LDS Family Services and also with Par.ent Pro.files. (If you want more details about Par.ent Pro.files please email me. I am happy to share our experiences.)

I sent out email blasts (it went to everyone we know). I updated them on our experiences, told about our first profile, new profile and our blog (each in separate email blasts- so they heard from us about every 6 months). I let them know how they could help (pray and tell anyone they know about our hope to adopt).

 

I gave a talk in church and let everyone know we were hoping to adopt (as I was introducing myself-it was my first talk in that ward).

 

I  let two groups of ladies know at work. I let anyone else know as it came up or felt appropriate. I told them to feel free to share our information with anyone they know.

 

The response we got to all these things was positive.

 

We had lots of situations that almost worked out. There were a few attempted scams (no one got any money, luckily).

On May 29 (which is my Grandmother's birthday), I got a call from a colleague. We chatted for a moment and I thought she was calling about a job opening I knew about.  When she asked if we were still hoping to adopt, I was shocked. She said she knew someone named K, who wanted to meet us. I gave her our phone number so we could set up a time.  I was shocked and excited to have a message on our machine when I got home (that very day!). I was super nervous but didn’t want K to wait to hear back so I called and we talked quickly. We decided to meet on June 3. I had a hard time thinking of where to meet so I just suggested our home. She seemed ok with that.

We met June 3 and I was super nervous. We spent all weekend cleaning and thinking about how to make a good first impression. I thought through different questions that we might be asked and how to ask questions without being too nosey or pushy. I thought about how to seem warm and friendly (this is very hard for me when I am nervous- I am shy normally and when I get nervous I become even more quiet).

 

When K came she brought her mom with her. I was really glad she had that extra support with her decision.  We had a very good time talking and laughing and telling stories. I was really sad when they left. I had made banana bread but because we were having such a good time I forgot to get it out!

We spent the rest of June texting back and forth and calling. I wanted K to know we care about her but didn’t want to be too intrusive. She had a life before she met us and I didn’t want to cause any problems or discomfort.

 

I am so grateful for all the help we received. All the people who prayed for us, who kept us in mind- even if it didn't work out, passed cards on for us, sent emails for us and who hoped we would eventually somehow have a child join our family.

 

Sorry there are no pictures with this post. I want to maintain K and her family's privacy. Thanks for understanding.

 

Coming soon- part 2!

 

Happy 1 Month!

Alex is 1 month old today! We have learned a lot about each other in the last month.

Likes:

Making faces

Slowly waking up (there is lots of stretching and groaning during the waking up)

Reading magazines with Dad

Bath time

Taking a walk

Looking people in the eye

Hates:

Wet or dirty diapers

Putting clothes over his head

Being swaddled

Important Facts:

Alex burps easily but some of the burps are so big and loud they scare him!

He makes lots of different facial expressions- not for any reason that we can figure out but they are so fun to watch!

He sleeps well during the night.  We have learned to keep things calm, quiet and pretty dark so he will go back to sleep quickly.

He is already growing out of his clothes! He is not chubby but long through the body. He weighs more than 8 lbs now!

He seems to enjoy machine sounds, the vacuum, the dryer, the dishwasher etc.

We are enjoying every day together! We are excited for what the next month will bring! Some days it seems like Alex has always be part of our life and other days we can't believe he is here. We are so blessed to have him be part of our life and family.

Our Miracle

Alexander Aiden was born July 14!

We came home July 16. He is perfect in every way!

Things have been busy ever since. I’ll post the full story soon!

Thanks for all the prayers and good thoughts that helped our miracle happen!

W is for. . .

W is for Waiting.

For many hopeful adoptive families, there is a lot of waiting. After all the paperwork is filled out they are put on a list and they wait. Their agency takes it from there.

We are not in a Waiting stage; we are in a Finding stage. Our agency encourages us to actively try to find someone who will consider us as adoptive parents for their child.

I think the difference is subtle but important. Waiting sounds passive (even though those who are waiting to be chosen are thinking about adoption every minute of every day). Finding sounds active and helps us feel we are active participants in the adoption process.  

Some of the things we are doing are:

Pass along cards with our names and information that I leave all kinds of places- restaurants, hair salons, doctor’s offices, libraries, bulletin boards etc. Any where that someone who knows someone might find the card and either use it or pass it along.

This blog. We hope this blog will give more information about us than our profile can. If you know someone who is considering an adoption plan; feel free to send a link to our blog!

Emails to our friends and family every 6 months or so to remind them we are hoping to adopt.

Basically the more people who know we are hoping to adopt the better our chance of finding someone who will consider us.  

Thank you for joining us on our journey!

Come back tomorrow to find out X is for. . .

J is for

J is for Jangled Nerves.

While I was getting ready today, I heard a bird VERY close. It sounded like it was coming from the vent. I was worried we had a bird stuck in the fan. Jake came and popped the cover off and had a look.

"It this the way out?" said the bird.

I was really worried a bird was going to fall into the bathroom. I had visions of us chasing a bird and it turning into a scene from the movie The Birds! (Great movie if you like scary movies!)

from Amazon.com

Luckily no bird fell out of the fan but Jake could see that some birds have built a nest in the tube (is that the right word?) that leads from the fan to the outside. I went and had a look outside the house and could see the evidence. We have a cover on the other vents but not on the one the birds used.  They are smarter than they look!

The birds have really made themselves at home!

As soon as the babies fly away we will get covers on these last two vents. Until then we are going to keep the fan running (hoping to avoid a bird going toward the wrong light and having a HORRIBLE accident), and just deal with strange tweeting, pecking and hope for the best!

This is what the covers look like!

In other news, our caseworker was here today for the home visit and it went very well. A few more papers filled out and we are approved to adopt for another year. Hopefully we will find someone (or they will find us) soon!!

Come back tomorrow to finish this sentence- K is for. . .

H is for. . .

H is for Home study.

 

We are in the middle of renewing our home study. When we decided to adopt we needed a home study to show we are able to provide for a child. We answered tons of questions (covering everything from discipline; to how we grew up; to our relationship with each other; to what our brothers, sisters and parents do), get physicals, and have background checks, credit checks, gather references, have interviews, home visits and more. Our agency gave us a list which really helped. I could check things off as I finished them or the paperwork came in and I mailed it. 

Since we are renewing, we don’t have to answer the background questions again (some were easy but some took a lot of thought) or get references.  We do get to have all the background checks done, physicals, another interview and a home visit.  Our caseworker is coming this week to do our home visit. It is a little nerve racking (she isn’t going to look in closets but I want them clean just in case).

We hope to find a child we will get the opportunity to parent. We know that the more people who know we are looking to adopt the better chance we have of finding someone who will choose us. The world is a big place and in some ways the internet makes it bigger (you can contact people all over the world) and smaller (people far away seem close).

The A to Z challenge has given me motivation to post every day and try to write about adoption more.  While every post hasn’t been about adoption there have been more about adoption than usual!

Thanks for reading!

F is for. . .

F is for family.

I grew up far from relatives.  My parents are both from western states. Their parents and brothers and sisters all still live in Western states.  Because of work, my family moved east. We spent vacations driving across the country to see as many relatives as possible in two weeks.  This means I got to see lots of states and sights across the country. I have seen the Arch in St. Louis, Mount Rushmore, the Grand Canyon, Disneyland (but not Disney World- no relatives there!) and lots more.   For holidays, my mom liked to have lots of people so she invited people who were in the same situation as us –far from extended family- for Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter dinner.

Jake grew up with all his relatives close by. When he was very small his grandma babysat him while his mom and dad worked.  He had aunts, uncles and cousins in the same town and many in the same state. His family dinners were full of extended family or there were two dinners-one with his family and then a second with the extended family.

There are benefits to both. It is nice to have people around who have known you forever but it is also nice to find people who are like your family when blood family isn’t close. When we adopt, we hope the birthfamily will want to become part of our family. I want to build a relationship that involves family birthday gatherings and other get-togethers. Most people have a family tree- we are hoping for a family forest!

Come back tomorrow to find out what G is for. . .

D is for. . .

Big D, little d, What begins with D?

Lots of things! Daisy, dolls, determination, dogs, and Hostess Ding Dongs (YUM!!) just to start!

I thought about dogs-Jake and I don’t have a dog. He had dogs growing up and would like to get one now. We have considered a Boston terrier, a bichon frise and a Maltese.  I love pugs (love those faces) but the shedding!!!!

I was thinking about determination. It is easy (when times are easy) to keep going but when times are tough- that is when you find out what people are made of and how badly you want something.  Life takes determination- sometimes it is not giving up that makes you get to the finish line.

A river cuts through a rock, not because of its power but its persistence.

Adoption takes determination. Getting the paperwork done, meeting people, making everyone you know aware that you are hoping to adopt, finding new ways to get your name and profile out, all take determination. We have had people attempt to scam us. Our determination to be parents (however that opportunity comes) is what helps us shake off the disappointment.

Open adoption also takes determination. We hope to have a great relationship with the birth family. Having a good relationship takes good communication and patience and a genuine concern for others. We are determined to work with the birth family to have the best relationship possible. I think that is the best for the child.

Check back tomorrow to find out what begins with E. . .

Sunday Thoughts

I saw a blogging challenge and thought it sounded fun. So this month I will be:

Since this is the first day:A is for Adoption! Here are several adoption quotes.

I knew I loved my daughter from the first moment I found out she was growing inside me. Although I knew I was to naive, young and poor to raise her myself there was never a question she would be brought into this world.I loved her father even though we would never see each other again, therefore, the only sensible choice was open adoption. I loved my child to much to hand her over to people that I had never met. My feeling was and always will be that if I was to scared to look these people in the face, to know and love and bond with them, then how in the world could I in good conscious hand my baby over to them never to see her again? I know without a second of guilt or remorse that I made the right choice in open adoption. How can there be a negative side? Now my child not only has one set of family members who love her, but 2,3,4... How can it be bad to have more people love you rather than less? Now, when each of us wakes up each day to face a new part of our lives, there are no haunting, unanswered questions to get in the way of our feeling secure in who we are so that we may face the rest of our challenges with that knowledge on our side. Now, I feel like I have a second family too, not just my daughter. -
Jennifer Bouchard Doane,Birthmother and Lifemother.

One day while I was hanging out with one of my friends the topic of our parents came up. My friend always knew that I was adopted through open adoption but we had never discussed it. I guess on this particular day he was feeling rather brave and launched into a slew of question, like do I see my birthmom, and, how often. You could tell that he was relieved that I felt so comfortable talking with him about it. Then he asked me, between my adoptive parents and my birthpartents which did I feel were my "REAL" parents. I was sort of surprised by what seemed should be the obvious answer. I told him, hey, they're both my "REAL" parents.

Young Man
adopted through Open Adoption
It has been said that adoption is more like a marriage than a birth: two (or more) individuals, each with their own unique mix of needs, patterns, and genetic history, coming together with love, hope, and commitment for a joint future. You become a family not because you share the same genes, but because you share love for each other.

Joan McNamara
Adoptive parent

---

However motherhood comes to you, it's a miracle.

Valerie Harper
Adoptive parent
Check back tomorrow! B is for. . .

National Adoption Month

from google.com

Today is the last day of National Adoption Month. I have not posted about adoption every day or even posted every day. I do think about adoption every day. I will admit that some days I feel sad. Sad we don’t have children. Sad we are infertile. But mostly, I feel blessed. I feel blessed that Jake and I found each other. I feel blessed that we get to go through life and eternity together. I feel blessed that no matter what happens, we can face it together.

from google.com

This month especially, I have had more opportunities to share our story and our desire to adopt. I don’t know if that is because I am getting better at sharing our story (I am a private person and tend to be shy) or more opportunities happened to come along this month or I noticed them more because I was watching for them.

 I have learned so much on this journey so far (thanks to all the bloggers out there! Sharing your story really helps!). I know I will learn more as we continue on the journey of adoption. Thanks for joining us!

from google.com

Open Adoption

Amy Hutton of Amstel Llife has a great article on open adoption and how her open adoption works. Read her article here.

She is a great advocate for adoption here in North Carolina and her story has been in the local paper. You can read here story here.

A Documentary

I got this information in an email today. I watched the trailer for the documentary Unlocking the Heart of Adoption. It looks interesting. The trailer shares sad stories on all sides of the triad. I don’t know how the whole documentary is but if nothing else it will make you think and spark some conversation. I try to remember that everyone involved with adoption has a different story and one adoptee’s story is only their story. Adoption has changed so much and these stories seem to be from a time before open adoption was the norm.

Here’s the information as it came to me.

 Unlocking the Heart of Adoption bridges the gap between birth and adoptive families through diverse personal stories of adoptees, birthparents and adoptive parents in same race and transracial adoptions revealing the enormous complexities in their lives with fascinating historical background.

To view the trailer, see what others have to say about Unlocking the Heart of Adoption and purchase the DVD go to: www.unlockingtheheart.com  And if you are on Facebook, please go to www.facebook.com/pages/Unlocking-the-heart-of-Adoption/10150113790230214?v=wall&ref=pdemand Like the page.  Thank you!

It will be on November 9 at 3pm EST on the documentary channel. I am hoping it will air again so I can see it.

Positive Adoption Language is really important. Like many things there have been changes in adoption both in how adoption works and what words are used. Here’s a great chart that will help us use the positive language. As with everything, each family is different and may have slightly different terms for everyone involved. If you are unsure- ask!

 

Positive Adoption Language

The words we use while talking about adoption can send unintended messages. When writing about or discussing adoption, please consider using language from the right-hand column.

Negative Terms	Preferred Terms
Giving up her child for adoption	Placing her child for adoption
Real parent; natural parent	Birth parent, biological parent
Adoptive parent	Parent
His adopted child	His child
Illegitimate	Born to unmarried parents
Adoptee	Child who was adopted
To keep	To parent
Adoptable child; available child	Waiting child
Foreign adoption	International adoption
Track down parents	Search
Unwanted child	Child placed for adoption
Is adopted	Was adopted

---

From itsaboutlove.org

 

National Adoption Month

from google.com

It’s National Adoption Month! Many other bloggers will be telling their stories and sharing their thoughts on adoption.  Since we are still on the journey to our first adoption we don’t have the same perspective as those who have already adopted. We are on that roller coaster where we get contacted and hope this is the one! We hope everyday that we will get a call or an email.

I have always heard “hope springs eternal” and I have been surprised at how true that is. Every day I hope today is the day and I am able to get up the next day and hope the same thing!

I read on another blog about 30 days of Thankful. With Thanksgiving this month I thought that would be great. Check out the tab at the top to see what we are thankful for this year!

What else can we do?

Lately, I have been wondering what else we can do to get our names and desire to adopt out for someone to find.

So I have thought about what we have done:

-Pass along cards (CHECK)

-Profiles (CHECK and CHECK) two checks since we have one with our agency and one with Parent Profiles (you can check out our profiles here or here)

-Email blasts (CHECK) actually we should get lots of checks for this since I have sent 3 so far and am ready to send a fourth

-Blog (CHECK) and thanks for reading!!

-Tell all the people you know (CHECK)

It is a pretty good list. I feel better just looking at what we have done so far. I keep wondering, is there something else we need to do?  I just am not sure what direction to go now. So I need your help. Any suggestions?

Book Review

I recently read Messages from an Unknown Chinese Mother by Xinran. She collected stories from women all over China who are connected with adoption. There was a chapter about a woman who had worked at an orphanage, women who had moved from place to place trying to keep their daughter and women who had been forced to either abandon their daughters in public places or take them to the orphanages.

The book was beautifully written. All the stories stayed with me long after finishing them. My heart aches for these women and their daughters. Due to governmental policies and cultural norms many women have been forced to make decisions they did not want to make. I wish they had the opportunity for open adoption. I wish they lived in a country with more freedoms. I there was some way for these birthmothers to find their children.

I am grateful for the opportunity to have an open adoption. I am grateful for women who will share their story as a birthmother and families who will share their stories of adopting.

If you are feeling fragile as part of the adoption triad, this may not be a book you want to try now.  I really did enjoy the book but it is an emotional read. It took me a long time because some days I really couldn’t read it.

I checked this out of the library but you can also get it from Amazon here